It was one of those AHA moments when I said to myself it is time to s*** or get off the pot. Stop whining, stop worrying about how hard things are just do it. It would have been easy to do nothing. People would have understood, I mean really I could just run with I have so much on my plate, I lost my Dad, blah, blah, blah.
But no – the real Tanis stood up.
And I did. I stood up and said this is who I am. I am someone who is grieving for a lost loved one, I am someone who works hard and I am someone who strives to be a better me. Why – because I deserve it. Sounds conceited? I don’t think so. I think it sounds like one good old girl saying it is okay, go for it, get your body and spirit in shape, tell your story and maybe along the way someone else will be inspired.
I am not alone.
The cool thing is I am not alone on this journey. Each step I take, I see that amazing man I am married to take it with me. No he doesn’t get down on the floor and do burpies with me but he cheers me on, encourages me and brags about what I am doing. When I said I was going to start blogging his response was classic Bucky – “about time you started writing again.” He may not say much but when he does it is straight to the heart of the matter. Man I love that boy.
I also have my friend Jillian rooting me on. She is a firecracker and cracks me up continuously. When I first told her about this journey she was excited I was finally taking a breather and figuring out what was important. Like taking time to scrapbook – something Jillian and I now do together via Skype. When she isn’t referring to me as “you know Tanis my friend the b***** who moved to Kamloops” she reinforces that I truly am a geek due to my complete giddiness over all things scrapbooking like paper, puffer upper things, Stickles, bling and so on. I disagree – I am simply creative. We usually burst into stupid laughter at this point – the kind of laughter that comes from deep within your soul, rocks your body and produces snot bubbles. If you have never truly laughed that hard you need to.
So what have I learned so far?
I have learned that getting physically stronger isn’t as hard as I thought. I have learned that I am not alone in battling a lack of confidence but that I have a voice and I am using it to tell everyone who will listen you can rise above it. I have learned the hole in heart from the loss of my Dad is okay, I actually don’t mind it because it is his place in my heart. I have learned we need to talk about how grief impacts our lives – often for years after the fact. I have learned that I can do this. I have learned to eat leafy greens for breakfast – crazy I know. But most of all, I have learned that this desire I have to empower myself and those around me is stronger than ever and I am going to spend each day working on it.